I love this and have so many thoughts about all of it. I mostly just really love your talking about the practice of reading outside of ones self and how it trains you to see outside of yourself in the world. That is the power of storytelling broadly, and for us book people, books more specifically.
And all of this goes for film, TV, and event sports. We're seeing it now in the WNBA especially.
Yes! This is all so true...it extends to so much. And I think there's so much complexity here. I think readers can sometimes talk about reading promoting empathy in a way that makes it seem like reading is a cheat code: "I read a book about X and now I can empathize with X." But, in my view, it's really more about the constant practice of reminding oneself of how many vast and different ways there are of being a person in the world and the practice of decentering ourselves. I do think reading helps cultivate empathy, but I think it's an active, not a passive, process.
I agree. I also think to your point it is about how you enter into reading a book matters on how much the empathy part might come. Like folks who are reading to “learn about other people” might be too transactional to actually sit with the work for what it is. Sara I could do this for hours! Truly. I have thoughts about also how we’re taught to read certain stories and also how that leads marginalized groups to knowing their oppressors in much more nuanced ways that allow for empathy.
Yes! Your observation about reading and empathy becoming transactional is so spot on. And I have heard you touch on some of your last comment in terms of who goes on to write the best nonfiction (maybe more specifically true crime or journalistic profiles?). I could also do this all day! Maybe it's time to hop on the mic again...
Thank you for making this important point and doing it so well. We need to expose boys to books about girls from a very young age, from the time they are little and being read to before bed. It can't start only with the required reading in middle school or high school which all too often is taught in a rigid way that has little to do with joy or immersion in a good story.
This hit where it hurts. When my daughter was very small, so many books people gave us featured male main characters. With my training in literature, I took some license to change the gender while reading to her at times. Why are all trucks and silly monsters and dragons male? No, that is illogical! I wanted her to expect to be the main character— tough and fierce and scary but also tender, as these are all picture books after all. I don’t have a son but I like to think I would have done the same thing.
As a white middle aged American male, this really resonates for me. My wife and I are avid readers and she recently called me in for sharing my books with her (often male main character driven and written by men), but I rarely read her books, but especially if they were by and/or about women. I was aware of my bias, but was too lazy and ignorant to challenge my own self on it previously.
Over the past six months I have read 14 books by and about women and as a result I have fallen deeper in love with reading than ever before. I’ve been moved, thrilled, excited, saddened, curious, and challenged. I’ve seen women in a light that created empathy and understanding. I have looked inward at my anxieties, obsessions, ignorance, and have been more open even with my own self about my feelings. I am encouraged by the journey.
Thank you for sharing this, James! I love that your wife called you in and it is so wonderful to hear that opening up your reading life has had such a profound impact. That is so cool!!
This made me profoundly sad but I see evidence of this in my every day life. So your analysis on this gender division phenomenon is spot on. It’s why I’m glad we are starting to move away from terms like “chick-lit”
Thank you for this thoughtful and hopefully action-provoking piece. To place myself, I'm a straight, white, cishet man, a Canadian, and a dad of two boys (one of whom is almost 13). Your piece has left me with questions for their teachers. And for myself about how to encourage reading books with female protagonists.
I've encountered this with my husband, who is a wonderful feminist but has some blind spots when it comes to media. He's loved all the female centered media I've introduced him to (The Broken Earth trilogy, the Barbie movie, Maggie Rogers...), but he doesn't seek it out on his own and I'm not sure how to get over that hurdle, other than continuing to share female stories with him.
Thank you for sharing this, Sara. It's incredibly well written.
Thanks, Hannah! I love that you've encouraged your husband to try female-centered media...and that he's enjoyed it! I think getting over that final hurdle is just chipping away! Now that you've introduced him to Maggie Rogers and N.K. Jeminson and Greta Gerwig, maybe he'll seek out their future work and that is HUGE!
I am an old man. I have read quite a few books with female protagonists and/or by female authors over the last few years. The reason is not that my wife provided them. The Venn diagram of my book interests and hers has a pretty narrow intersection! The reason that I’ve read them is because they fit in with my already ingrained interests. I’m interested in the environment so I read Braiding Sweetgrass. I wanted to know more about the popular books for banning and one I read was The Hate You Give. The other reason I read them is because I’ve committed to something. For instance, I read the books for the Talk of Iowa Book Club (Iowa Public Radio) and I participated in a summer reading bingo promoted on a Substack. My point is that he might read more female centered stuff it if it not so explicit and more a part of some natural interest.
This is so true and so poignant. I will share with some HS teacher friends of mine . That episode of The Daily was so disheartening. We need more ideas like yours on how to reach them. But I will say both my Gen Z boys voted for Kamala- so there is hope.
"We don’t expect that men can empathize with women at large, so we beg them to consider those closest to them." — this has always annoyed me, and I'm so glad you pointed it out. It's sad to see how many men don't take the issues that affect women seriously, but I do believe that getting them to read "Austen, Brontë, Cisneros, Erdrich, Morrison, or Ernaux" is a good first step. Thank you for this insightful post!
Sara: This is probably my favorite piece you’ve ever written!!! Sadly so true and so elegantly expressed. Just wonderful.
Thank you, Elizabeth!
I love this and have so many thoughts about all of it. I mostly just really love your talking about the practice of reading outside of ones self and how it trains you to see outside of yourself in the world. That is the power of storytelling broadly, and for us book people, books more specifically.
And all of this goes for film, TV, and event sports. We're seeing it now in the WNBA especially.
Yes! This is all so true...it extends to so much. And I think there's so much complexity here. I think readers can sometimes talk about reading promoting empathy in a way that makes it seem like reading is a cheat code: "I read a book about X and now I can empathize with X." But, in my view, it's really more about the constant practice of reminding oneself of how many vast and different ways there are of being a person in the world and the practice of decentering ourselves. I do think reading helps cultivate empathy, but I think it's an active, not a passive, process.
I agree. I also think to your point it is about how you enter into reading a book matters on how much the empathy part might come. Like folks who are reading to “learn about other people” might be too transactional to actually sit with the work for what it is. Sara I could do this for hours! Truly. I have thoughts about also how we’re taught to read certain stories and also how that leads marginalized groups to knowing their oppressors in much more nuanced ways that allow for empathy.
Yes! Your observation about reading and empathy becoming transactional is so spot on. And I have heard you touch on some of your last comment in terms of who goes on to write the best nonfiction (maybe more specifically true crime or journalistic profiles?). I could also do this all day! Maybe it's time to hop on the mic again...
I had the same thought…Do you think the people will be sick of us?
Never!
Thank you for making this important point and doing it so well. We need to expose boys to books about girls from a very young age, from the time they are little and being read to before bed. It can't start only with the required reading in middle school or high school which all too often is taught in a rigid way that has little to do with joy or immersion in a good story.
Yes yes yes yes YES!!! I wholeheartedly agree with this! It needs to be constant and immediate!
This hit where it hurts. When my daughter was very small, so many books people gave us featured male main characters. With my training in literature, I took some license to change the gender while reading to her at times. Why are all trucks and silly monsters and dragons male? No, that is illogical! I wanted her to expect to be the main character— tough and fierce and scary but also tender, as these are all picture books after all. I don’t have a son but I like to think I would have done the same thing.
I love that you did this for your daughter! That is so wonderful!
Once she could read, she was very surprised to discover Goodnight, Construction Site was about a bunch of “he” rather than “she” characters.
😂 yes I bet that was a shock!
As a white middle aged American male, this really resonates for me. My wife and I are avid readers and she recently called me in for sharing my books with her (often male main character driven and written by men), but I rarely read her books, but especially if they were by and/or about women. I was aware of my bias, but was too lazy and ignorant to challenge my own self on it previously.
Over the past six months I have read 14 books by and about women and as a result I have fallen deeper in love with reading than ever before. I’ve been moved, thrilled, excited, saddened, curious, and challenged. I’ve seen women in a light that created empathy and understanding. I have looked inward at my anxieties, obsessions, ignorance, and have been more open even with my own self about my feelings. I am encouraged by the journey.
Thank you for sharing this, James! I love that your wife called you in and it is so wonderful to hear that opening up your reading life has had such a profound impact. That is so cool!!
This made me profoundly sad but I see evidence of this in my every day life. So your analysis on this gender division phenomenon is spot on. It’s why I’m glad we are starting to move away from terms like “chick-lit”
It is sad! Hopefully we will continue moving towards something better.
Thank you for this thoughtful and hopefully action-provoking piece. To place myself, I'm a straight, white, cishet man, a Canadian, and a dad of two boys (one of whom is almost 13). Your piece has left me with questions for their teachers. And for myself about how to encourage reading books with female protagonists.
Thanks, Aaron! And thanks for approaching your sons' reading so thoughtfully. It really matters!
I've encountered this with my husband, who is a wonderful feminist but has some blind spots when it comes to media. He's loved all the female centered media I've introduced him to (The Broken Earth trilogy, the Barbie movie, Maggie Rogers...), but he doesn't seek it out on his own and I'm not sure how to get over that hurdle, other than continuing to share female stories with him.
Thank you for sharing this, Sara. It's incredibly well written.
Thanks, Hannah! I love that you've encouraged your husband to try female-centered media...and that he's enjoyed it! I think getting over that final hurdle is just chipping away! Now that you've introduced him to Maggie Rogers and N.K. Jeminson and Greta Gerwig, maybe he'll seek out their future work and that is HUGE!
I am an old man. I have read quite a few books with female protagonists and/or by female authors over the last few years. The reason is not that my wife provided them. The Venn diagram of my book interests and hers has a pretty narrow intersection! The reason that I’ve read them is because they fit in with my already ingrained interests. I’m interested in the environment so I read Braiding Sweetgrass. I wanted to know more about the popular books for banning and one I read was The Hate You Give. The other reason I read them is because I’ve committed to something. For instance, I read the books for the Talk of Iowa Book Club (Iowa Public Radio) and I participated in a summer reading bingo promoted on a Substack. My point is that he might read more female centered stuff it if it not so explicit and more a part of some natural interest.
This is so true and so poignant. I will share with some HS teacher friends of mine . That episode of The Daily was so disheartening. We need more ideas like yours on how to reach them. But I will say both my Gen Z boys voted for Kamala- so there is hope.
The episode was so disheartening but this message is equally heartening! Thanks for raising awesome boys!
Should be required reading!
Thank you!
This essay pairs brilliantly with The Empusium! Thank you, Sara, for putting such contructive words around the (my?) rage!
Next up on my list.
I appreciate your words. I'm a new mom to a baby boy and this reminded me of what I need to teach him as he grows older.
I love that! He's in good hands!
Very well said. Thank you for your perspective on this issue, Sara.
Thanks for reading, Kuleigh!
A perfectly written piece, I couldn’t agree more!
"We don’t expect that men can empathize with women at large, so we beg them to consider those closest to them." — this has always annoyed me, and I'm so glad you pointed it out. It's sad to see how many men don't take the issues that affect women seriously, but I do believe that getting them to read "Austen, Brontë, Cisneros, Erdrich, Morrison, or Ernaux" is a good first step. Thank you for this insightful post!
Good gawd this is important and so well-written and also beautifully written, too.
Thank you, Sarah!