Reading in Public No. 46: An existential crisis in public reading

Honest thoughts about the anxieties and inconveniences of reading in public

Aug 20, 2024

Hey readers!

First of all, I took a bit more of an extended absence than I intended during my UK travels so apologies for no Friday or Sunday newsletter last weekend. We were out of the house for more daily adventures than I thought would be possible with our toddler, which meant zero time at my computer. It was a much needed break and I’m feeling emotionally refreshed and creatively invigorated after that downtime.

Second, I wanted to let you all know that I just announced the next batch of book club books for my Patreon subscribers on Sunday. You can find that announcement available to all here. If you’d like to read along with us, we’d love to have you in the FictionMatters Patreon community!

Alright, now let’s get into today’s Reading in Public because, friends, I am having an existential crisis about the very act of public reading and I need to get it out in the open. This newsletter is a little more meandering and in-the-weeds than I tend to get here, but when I launched Reading in Public I knew I wanted to share some of the trials of public reading, so here it goes…

I’ve been reading in public for ten years now beginning with my Instagram account in 2014, followed later by this newsletter, and the most wonderful online Literary Society over on Patreon. I can’t even begin to describe how fulfilling and life-changing becoming a public reader has been for me. My reading life has evolved tremendously as public reading has challenged me to expand my reading preferences in every direction from translated books and small press titles to romance and genre fiction. I’ve gotten better at defining my own taste and articulating why I like a book after years of living mostly in the realm of intellectual analysis. I’ve opened myself up to more frequent dialogue about books rather than reading in isolation or in the hierarchical realm of the classroom.

Reading in public has also become my literal career and I am truly living my dream. I can’t believe I get to read and talk about books for my job. Every time I think about that I feel giddy. And I’m not just saying this as an “I know I’m lucky, but…” statement. I am earnestly ecstatic when I think about this job I’ve built. The couple of times I’ve thought that maybe I should just read for fun again, I immediately know I would be bored and frustrated. There is just no way I want to stop sharing my reading insights and the books I love.

But I am starting to consider if it might be time for another evolution in how I share these things, because I am feeling a bit constrained by some of the projects I have set in motion. Yesterday, I read an inspiring post about content creation and values by one of my favorite Substackers

Alisha Ramos

. Alisha was talking about the way creating fashion content can lead to overconsumption and she realized that she wants to create “life-driven content, not a content-driven life.” That really hit me. I want my reading to drive my content more than I let my content drive my reading, and currently that balance is way off.

I read for content when I put together my Paperback Summer Reading Guide and my Fall Fiction Compendium. I love putting these together because the act of curation brings me a lot of joy and I get a creative rush from meticulously choose and categorizing books. I also love the feeling of working on a long term project and then releasing it into the world. It’s fun! And it feels like a milestone every time.

But these two guides significantly consume by reading life. The PSRG is a huge project that occupies most of the first half of the year. The fall guide is smaller, but it’s a bit more intensive both in terms of time frame and in terms of restrictions. I feel a responsibility when creating this guide to try as many of the big buzzy titles as possible and to also stock the guide with under-the-radar gems from small presses. That means a lot of reading! And a lot of starting books and putting them aside, which is fine but also leaves me feeling unmoored in my reading life.

I read for content when preparing for Novel Pairings episodes. Not only does episode prep mean close reading the classic we’re discussing, it often means reading contemporary books to find great pairings for those classics and reading historical, literary, and biographical context to enhance our discussions.

I read for content when I feel pressure to review new releases sent to me by publishers or weigh in on the buzzy books I see all over social media.

And while I don’t consider reading for FictionMatters Book Club and Buzzy Book of the Month reading for content—this is more like reading for community—these discussions do add two must-read books to my plate each month. Even though I choose the books and the discussions are my monthly reading highlights, it still takes away from reading spontaneity.

So this is my existential reading crisis. How can I continue to be a public reader and a professional reader but let my reading life drive my content and not my content dive my reading life? It hasn’t helped matters that between the NYT Best Books of the 21st Century List and my recent UK bookstore haul, all I want to do is immerse myself in backlist books, recent acquisitions, and some British classics I’m feeling the urge to read or reread.

So here’s what I’m asking myself:

How can my content evolve to be more driven by my reading whims and rabbit holes?
How can I make room for more spontaneous reading?
Is curating two big guides a year sustainable?
What mediums best engage my audience and help me feel creatively fulfilled?
Is my voice needed when it comes to reviewing buzzy new releases?
What types of book content will enhance peoples’ reading lives without adding to FOMO and overwhelm?
How will I balance the content that generates the most income with the projects that are the most fulfilling?
What do I have to offer that is otherwise absent in the online book world?

Where does this leave me? I’m not sure. I am genuinely thrilled about the way this year’s fall guide is shaping up and I can’t wait to get it into your hands! I want to be reading more spontaneously and I want to be bringing you more books that strike my fancy for whatever reason alongside the carefully selected new releases and seasonal selections I curate here and in my guides. And I know from many of you that you appreciate hearing about the random reads and backlist bangers that aren’t currently making the rounds on social media.

I don’t have any answers currently, but I’m hoping now that I’m back from a rejuvenating vacation with more time to devote to work (hooray for the start of preschool!) my existential crisis will transform into a burst of creative energy. And if you have any thoughts, I’m all ears! Whether it’s a piece of content you’d like to see go, a project of mine that you can’t live without, or a something you’ve always wished I’d offer, please share! I’m looking for all the ideas I can gather about how to be the best public reader I can be.

Reading in Public No. 46: An existential crisis in public reading

Honest thoughts about the anxieties and inconveniences of reading in public

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